Tuesday, September 18, 2007

Getting over it....

I have been pissed off for the past few weeks.

I have wished for more from my students: having taught York students who are enthusiastic, keen to learn, and willing to sacrifice in order to gain knowledge and experience, I then I returned home to my Cape Town students…who I experience as expecting entitlement because of a disadvantaged history, and needing to be coaxed into learning. But I am slowly recovering my vision to help build a new South Africa through my work with these students. I know this is what I am called to do. And I know that their brokenness is rooted in our Apartheid history.

I have wished for more from my church denomination: I have given large portions of my life/time/passion to this institution…and am discovering that this counts for nothing when it comes to getting support for the things I really believe I am called to do. But I have found this to be a good lesson in humility. Because all I can really claim of my life is that I follow one who modelled the way of a servant. And I smile wryly at the way I want to be more than a servant.

I have wished for more from my life: I am being asked to be a Superintendent Minister, which is about meeting budgets, paying salaries / water accounts / building maintenance, and solving squabbles between various local congregations…all of which I hate. But I am seeing how being Superintendent gives me space to welcome foreign student ministers into this circuit for pastoral exposures. So perhaps there is an up-side to this.

I have experienced deep disappointment in the closure of a programme I have nurtured into vibrant life over the past six years. But I have discovered that the closing of this door will make space for another to open. I plan to use this time to complete long-neglected academic studies.

I have got over it….and am willing to believe that there is life after 50.


Anonymous said...

Pissed off but getting over it. Yeah, me too, but probably over slightly more selfish things, in my case. But if you're right and there's life after 50, there's gotta be life after 25. So there's hope for me...but I'll pray for you :)

digitaldion (Dion Forster) said...

Blessings my friend. You lead the way in so many things. I too will have to let go at some stage. I'll call you for comfort and advice.

You're a gift Pete - I don't need you to 'be' something, or 'do' certain things for me to look up to you and learn from you. I do it because of who you already are... The other 'things' are a byproduct.