I Know My Status

Today I was tested at an HIV centre.

I took a group of student ministers to visit Yabonga, a centre that supports people living with Aids. Here we were privileged to meet three HIV positive women. All are of Xhosa background. They had absolutely no way of telling their parents that they had tested positive, because this admitted to sexual activity in a culture that traditionally does not speak of human sexuality at all.

But more sobering was the knowledge that the majority of young women in their circle had very little choice in becoming sexually active. Many were raped, or sexually molested. Many of the young men in their world take sexual gratification from girls as a right. And so young women discover themselves to be infected with this sexually transmitted illness – and bound to a code of silence and ignorance.

The worst of it is that they cannot even go to their religious leaders for help. Churches have traditionally preached sexual abstinence for people before marriage, so a young person who is infected with a sexually transmitted virus is unable to go to their church for help. This is made even more difficult by the fact that most churches are run by men, and Xhosa women cannot speak of their sexuality to men. They agreed that churches are generally perceived as unwelcoming and disapproving.

Then they asked us if we knew our status.
And I admitted that I do not.
I have never bothered because I have no reason to think that I am infected.
But I as the teacher could not expect my students to be tested if I was not willing to do so myself.
So I lined up to be tested.......

I was interviewed in preparation for the test. And asked if I have unprotected sex. Which I do. But I believe that my partner and I are sexually safe with each other. Which the counsellor said was an enormous leap of faith. I was asked what I would do if I discovered I was HIV positive. I replied that I would be shocked because I am confident that there is no reason for this.
I then had the test.
And I discovered that I was not as relaxed as my nonchalance implied.
Even thought I believed that I had nothing to worry about, I sat on the edge of my chair while waiting for the result. I felt the tension of all those who had sat in this chair before me. And felt their fear of the forgotten sexual encounters that so easily return to haunt the present. And counted the six minutes it took for the test to show.

And so I am asking those of you who read this: have you been tested?
I do not want to know your status – but you owe it to your sexual partners to know your own status.

I now know my status.