Sexually Angry

I am dismayed by the vitriol and anger that human sexuality can generate.

• I have read articles from sexually abused people who want to kill their abusers. I understand this – but discover that the abuser is often one who was abused in his/her past. The abuser is as damaged as the abused. So I do not see how killing someone solves the problem. But I can see that this does provide the satisfaction of revenge.
Sadly the abuser is most often known to the abused. Often this is a family friend or neighbour – someone who is trusted. The betrayal of trust is probably the hardest kind of hurt to heal.

• I have read Christian anger at Gay/Lesbian/Bisexual people. Christians do not agree on this one. While I do not believe that being homosexual is sinful, I can understand how some Christians feel threatened when others disagree with their deepest held convictions. What I do not understand is the crusading zeal that seeks to destroy alternative views.

Jesus never enforced his belief system on other people. His was always an invitation that could be accepted or rejected.

Sadly many gay people have been hurt by Christian crusaders. Some, convinced that their homosexual orientation is sinful, spend their lives feeling guilty about the way they experience human sexuality. Others, seeking to true to their sexuality, are forced to leave the church they love – because some “straight” Christian people cannot cope with them.

Healing might include prayer. It is vital for every hurting person to know that they are loved/treasured by God. But it also must include confession from the perpetrators of the hurt; and wise counselling; and a loving community to provide support and care.

Pray that I might not fail those who are sexually scarred.

Sex

I have been watching Pornography.
And I am amazed at what people will do in front of a camera. I have seen sexual encounters that range from the ridiculous to the cruel: leather thongs, masks, and buckles; couples, threesomes, groups; public nudity, private moments, and voyeurs; old, young and bizarre; and abusive sex.

In case you are wondering, I am preparing for Sunday. I am participating in a teaching series that is using Richard J. Foster’s book “Money, Sex and Power”. This Sunday I will be speaking about sexual brokenness. This will be followed by prayer for those who carry scars from their sexual histories.

What has both fascinated and frightened me is the response of my own body and mind. I have discovered my physical attraction to visual stimulation: but then this is not new. All my life I have been attracted to beautiful women. And naked women are sexually stimulating – except for the site I discovered with naked grannies! At the same time I discovered my mind being titillated by some of the weird stuff: I am at first shocked by seeing someone tied up, or blindfolded, or set up for abusive for sex. And then I wonder... “so what’s next?” This is similar to driving past a vehicle accident scene, where I want to slow down to “have a look”. My mind asks for another shock. And, like the dubious thrill of a frightening theme park roller-coaster, I want to be horrified.

I also feel guilty: What if my wife or daughters catch me watching this stuff? Will my explanation that “I am preparing for Sunday” sound plausible? And I feel guilty at the physical attraction to some of the pictures. Why does my body respond in this way to someone who is not my wife? But then my body has always responded to beautiful women. It is my moral and spiritual boundaries that have regulated what I do/do not do with this response. Which begins to give me a clue where I might go on Sunday:

The fact is that every human being is sexual. We experience our sexuality each day. And we constantly make choices about our response to the sexual stimuli that come our way. Our present sexual activity grows out of our past sexual encounters. We all have made mistakes in the past. Stupidity is not learning from our past mistakes to make informed choices in the present.

So on Sunday I need to offer people a way of making peace with their past. We do not need to carry the scars from bad sexual encounters into our futures. God can heal us, and allow us to function as sexually healthy people in the present.

I am posting this blog in the hope that those of you who visit will offer me advice.
What would you say to my congregation on Sunday?