Pursuing Perfection

I grew up knowing that I was not yet good enough. I was a child who would one day grow into an adult. I was a young Christian, who would become a mature believer. The Spirit of God within me was perfecting me, but I was not perfect. And so each New Year provided opportunity to dream anew of that which could be improved – usually expressed in the form of New Year’s Resolutions.

This has impacted my life in many ways: many of them negatively:
• I never feel that I am good enough…. because the belief system tells me that that I can be better. Which leaves me with a deep seated drive to do enough to prove my worth. But I have discovered that I will never do enough to satisfy this longing – because I can be better!
• I cannot celebrate my life’s achievements…. Because they are temporary stopping places in the quest to improve. And so I avoid thinking of that which I have done, because these achievements are not yet good enough.

In the past few days I have been deeply challenged.
Challenged first by a good friend who read my last posting and disagreed with my desire to be a better husband. He insisted that this desire was crippling my capacity to recognise that I am already a good husband.
I also had a conversation with sports scientist, Prof Tim Noakes. I described my desire to improve my running, but my inability to get past injuries and general lethargy. His comment was that I need to learn to accept that my best running is behind me. I have exhausted my store of marathons, and that I need to plan to “get old injury free”.

So is my life perfect?
I guess this depends how ready I am to get beyond my formative puritan evangelical culture. Of course there is much I still need to learn and do. I believe that I have capacity to grow and mature and deepen in my life’s journey. But perhaps this has nothing to do with Christian Perfection. It is time to celebrate that which God has already done in my life. And in this celebration to come to an acceptance that I have lived a full life, with many adventures…a life that is perfectly appropriate for me.